A day that will never be forgotten....

I can't believe that almost 10 years ago I was standing in the library a Stuart Hall Boarding School watching as the World Trade Center went crashing down. Chaos seemed to fill the halls as my peers cried in fear of their parents and family who worked at the Pentagon, in the towers, or even close by. My best friend at the time told me that her mom worked in the pentagon at that time.... But I could only stand there, confused at what was going on. I didn't know anybody in those buildings....

So the whole school gathered in the old auditorium and listened while our Head Master Fr. Fox told us what was happening. I might not have known anybody who died that day, but my heart still ached for their loss.

After my classes that day I sat at my computer trying to find out as much as I could.

Then the President addressed the nation, our rather the world, and said we were officially headed to war... My heart sank. I was again, confused. So, would we be living like in wars past where we need bomb shelters and needed to paint our windows black? What did it mean to go to war?

Jason approached me at school and asked if I would walk to the recruitment office with him there in Staunton, VA. I believe a group of us had gone but I remember him asking me to go. I adored Jason. Of course I would go with him.

May 2003, I stood on the steps of old Stuart Hall with 30(I think,) others. Others who had become a piece of me forever. We all wore white, and us girls thought we were so clever wearing our red shoes.

Mixed in the crowd was a young man dressed in his sharp Marines uniform. Jason would be leaving just after graduation.

After we all went our separate ways, I ended up attending school at East Carolina University. Jason, believe it our not, was stationed at Camp Lejeune right there in my neck of the woods. We spoke some on the phone, and he came to Grenville a few times, randomly bringing a friend with him. The guys were very nice country boys, just like my Jason.

One night I was at a snow party with a guy I was dating at the time, Michael. Jason had told me that he was headed to Iraq. They were shipping out in the morning I believe.

After drinking a bit tooooooo much I began crying to my then bf that Jason was really going to war. And I remember crying that I wouldn't see him again, and what if he died....

Michael, my ex, got my phone, and called Jason. Jason told me it was ok and that he was coming to see me.....

I can't explain how happy I was... I remember sitting out on the cold, snow covered porch, waiting...

Jason showed up with a friend. My ass was sloppy drunk and the only time I had with him was his amazing laugh picking on me and saying he couldn't stay, but wanted to tell me he was going to be ok........then he left.... And that would be the last time I ever got to see my brother and best friend.

Time passed. They didn't end up shipped out that day, but soon enough, he was in unknown territory and very far from home. Jason and I didn't talk much after he left. I think back now and kick myself in the ass for not writing him more.

Long, sad story short, Lncpl. Jason Redifer, my brother, was gone......

Many events lead up to his death and it is the most gruesome death I have had to deal with... But, he was gone...

He now lays along side all the men and women who list their life during Iraqi Freedom. I will always remember York Rd., where you will find his name. And the tree thatkeeps them all company...

But my favorite memory of him, one only few know, was when he told me that I was his sister and he wouldnt be there like he had with me for just anyone........ I knew that day that the bond we had was priceless...

Because of 9/11, I lost a very special person in my life.... But so did so many others!!

Forever in our hearts, and forever in my heart........

posted from Bloggeroid

Welcome home sun!

*sigh*

how good it feels to wake up to the beautiful sunny sky I am in love with here in Saipan! If you happen to stumble across the weather radar over the past week here you will see that this part of the pacific ocean has been stalked by a huge weather bully. He made it rain terribly, he took the blue away from the sky and replaced it with thick mean clouds- the wind on the other hand I wont complain about because that was nice to be cool at night. But I woke to the warm rays of the low sun and instantly am in a happier mood.

Jan is almost done with her training/family time/medical leave trip to the states. It makes me think about how hard it has been all these years when loved ones from the islands have made the venture - back then with no plane - to the main land. I cant imagine... I would have been so worried about my loved ones leaving for so long. Its not that traveling from Saipan or any of the many many islands here in the Pacific isnt like a flight across country- but- the scary part for me is the long flight across the Pacific Ocean!

My second year of NMC has started. I complete my first week just yesterday.

NMI History, Current Issues in CNMI, General Psychology,& Physical Science.

Not too bad except that my science is from 9am-330pm Saturdays! But- it is nice to have the class just once a week... it will definitely be the hardest for me, but I plan on a grade no less than a B!!!! A's & B's baby!!! I did it last semester, and I plan on it again this semester!!!! But I will admit I am leaning more toward all A's of course! :-)

Im meeting a friend for breakfast over at Java Joes. So- its fun time for now, then after I come get the boys- and some laundry and hit the washing machines!!!! YEP! its laundry day people! :-)

I leave you with this fine quote: Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.
Leon J. Suenes

Just one of those reads...

So last semester I took Mrs. Arriola's Pacific Literature class. It really was one of my most favorite classes I have every taken. One of the books we were to read was called "Warriors in the Crossfire" by Nancy Bo Flood. Wow- what a read! I remember pushing it off till last minute. But the day I picked up the 141 page book and began to read. That night I was finished! I remember having to put the book down for certain things like cooking, getting Jan from work, taking Tasi out to pee. Im sure my potty breaks that day were down to none!

Anyways- if you ever want to have an easy yet awesome read- I suggest this book!!!!

Good morning rain, hello wind.

Woke this morning from an awesome un disturbed sleep last night. Oh yeah. Jan spoiled us with some cool aircon, and every time we sleep with the aircon I literally sleep like a baby.

Today is a wet and soggy day, but I am thankful. The rain has brought with it the cool breeze. And the cool breeze is my best friend. Every time it rains here I think of all the positives. The rain of course keeps the land healthy and usually brings us a short relief from the heat, but also the rain brings drinking and washing water to people here. Some people rely on the rain. Even my own apartment almost gave out of water just before I left for the states. Its something you don't normally worry do much about in the states. But, hello rain... You are welcome here any day!

posted from Bloggeroid

Our trip to Managaha

Here are the pictures from managaha island. Jan took me there on her day off. I don't think I have been anywhere this beautiful!!!! We even did some snorkeling

posted from Bloggeroid

Jet Lag Hangover

Back in may I went home to spend some time with my family after being gone for a year. the night before leaving Saipan I did not sleep. jan and I stayed up all night packing. when it was time for me to board the plane I was delirious, sad, happy, anxious, and every emotion you would expect to have when you are heading to see family and friends you haven't seen in a year, but at the same time you will be away from your partner and dog child. I remember knowing that once I went through security that was it. Jan and I said our goodbyes and I kept my composure.... That is til I turned and walked away. Tears fell like crazy. Like I hadn't cried in 26 years and I was making up for it that moment. My whole body began to go numb. But I knew the next three months were needed. So, I dried my eyes and soaked cheeks, and told myself this was time to enjoy my family.

Needles to say it was a great visit. It was nice seeing my friends and family which I had not seen in a year. But, somehow, in the back of my mind and the beginning of my heart I knew I wished to be back in saipan.


The summer there went pretty fast. I was able to see my sister katie graduate from high school, see her turn 18, and even take her and her bestie to register for college.

Then it began, the prep to travel back to saipan, back to the life I had made with my own family. I went through all those normal anxieties that comes along with traveling 30 hours across the globe. But as soon as my bags were checked and mom, katie, and I sat together I began to feel at ease in a way. I wanted to cry to have to leave mom there. But I just knew I had to.

The trip back was long but not so bad. I guess I'm somehow getting used to siting in a small space for 10~16 hours at a time. I did talk with a lady from new bern to seattle who bought me my starbucks. I told her I hadn't had any while I was home do she said she wanted to do that for me. She was do interested in me and saipan. Ended up she works with special needs children. Awesome how we meet someone only to find out how much a like you are. But soon enough we parted and who knows if I shall meet her again.

So before I knew it I was siting in japan waiting to board my last plane. I honestly was delirious from not sleeping in over a days time. I may have gotten a total of and hour the whole half around the world trip. Lol

So I watched as the plane touched down in this beautiful land. Walking to baggage and customs I began to get excited. I was about to be reunited with my lil family, including our newest puppy addition.

Finally I was walking through the doors looking for the familiar faces. Jan was surrounded by some asian girls ooing and ahing over the pups. How nice it was to be back.

posted from Bloggeroid

Time flies when your letting life sink in

Half the semester is almost here. I can't believe in only 2 months roughly I will be done with my first year of classes here at NMC and coming up to my year of being here in Saipan. Time has flown by so fast this year. I don't know if it's the salty pacific winds or the bright warm skies, or maybe it's because I am happy here? Either way, whatever it may be, I accept it because I am very happy here right now.

Jan and I have had our share of hurdles and fallen to our knees both together and alone, but, we always know the way to help the other one back up to our feet.

I have gained a lot since taking the long journey across the whole US and Pacific Ocean. I am stronger in a way I never felt. I feel almost like I can do anything. I have lost 36 lbs and still going. I love the feel of the sun more than ever. But most of all, my core is expanding.

Not only am I gaining an education through books and teachers, I am gaining an education that ONLY is achieved through one thing. One very important thing. LIVING.

I am not living, If I am not feeling or seeing. I am not living if I can not enjoy the earth around me. Every waking moment here I am looking at something. The sky, clouds, the sun setting or rising. But not only is it that I am looking, but I am absorbing! You may not know it, but the earth around us is so full of energy it is maddening. This energy is something I have always known was there. As a child I loved the trees and the water. I was always more connected to the earth than any religion. I couldn't explain it. But, I can now. It was life. Life is my religion. Happiness. Love. Compassion. Forgiveness. Earth. This is MY religion I found here on this small magnificent paradise. All of this I found and yet it has only been but 9 months.

Why am I saying this? Well because I want to. Because I can. See, to me there is nothing worse than having religion shoved in your face. Some people think of me as evil because of my lifestyle and non acceptance of a religion. Some thing of me as weird to look at my Buddha figures as my religious icons. Or Gandhi. Or to call books like The Secret and A New Earth or even Eat. Pray. Love. my bibles. But that's who I am. Everyone has their own beliefs. I am HAPPY to hear someone excited about their religion. And I feel honored when they even share it with me. I am not against it. I do not dislike any form or denomination of religion, I just have a wide eyed approach to it. And a wide heart. I don't care what religion you are or political side you root for. If you are a good person then that is what I see. Just think how different the earths inhabitants would live with those around them if EVERYONE was able to just live and let live.

I don't want to keep blabbering on about this because it is only my own feelings on the matter. But, just remember, everything comes back around. Try to be the best person you can possibly be. Turn your negative thoughts into positive and see how your life changes. Love your family, your friends, and most of all: love your enemy. They are the ones who need the love the most. Try to think " that rude angry person may have been going through something awful. " and if not, then allow life to decide their fate. Just remember to live your life.

And to those reading who feel for whatever situations they are in that they may not be able to do the adventurous things they wish for, reset your thinking. If you want something and believe that it WILL happen then in time and when you are ready, believe me, it will happen!

Much love!! Lauren










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