Pictures of Saipan

Here are some pictures I took and did some work with so that you can see the full potential of the land here in Saipan. How beautiful it is! And how luck I am to have it to call home!

Water splashing up against the rocks which line Wing Beach, Saipan

Jan touching the coral fossil

Beautiful Wing Beach, Saipan

Coral found all over the beaches here in Saipan

Jan snapping pictures of the beautiful beach

Jan walking off in the distance

Wing Beach, Saipan

Waves crashing up against the reef

Pink toenails in the golden beaches

Pathway to the beach

Beautiful Ladder Beach, Saipan

Father & Son spear fishing past the reef

Been Way Too Long

I realized that I had begun to let life drag me by the hand again, instead of pacing myself on my own. It's so easy for us to let go of the wheel which steers us down the path of life. But, when we do that, we lose control of what happens! I am slowly getting my grip again and pushing life's driver out of the way and full speed ahead it is baby!

I am still attending NMC and found out a week ago that I will be graduating with my B.S. in Elementary Special Education in May 2014. Hmmmmmmm.... To jump for joy or to hang my head in "it will never get here" shame. I, instead am focusing on this semester and that is all. I'm hoping that doing so will preoccupy myself so time will pass by faster. At least my grades are all A' s as of now. That is a goal I have been trying to meet... Straight A' s. And since I am a true believer in getting what you believe in, I KNOW I can do it!

Saipan has been nice lately. Nice warm days and nice cool evenings. I lost sight of what was around me (during that time I allowed someone else aka life direct my every move) but now I can see and smell the earth again. For those of you who are so caught up in life's agenda for you that you forget to stop and look around you, I am sorry. Not only dots the joy in my days come from my family, but from liking a3 the trees, taking the more scenic rout home, saying hello to a stranger, pulling over and watching the ships out past the reef or to say goodnight to the sun. Those tiny moments are what fill those unfulfilled moments in the day. Those moments that add up, and over time take over your emotions. You must remember, we are part of the earth, and earth is BYwhat we go back to when our time for this life is over.

Here is my philosophy:
Karma. Treating others, and animals how you would want to be treated. When you die, your next bout might be as that same person our animal which you abused in some way. Also, that animal or person may be your own "deceased" loved one... Karma. Just let go of false anger and resentments and allow yourself to feel life!

posted from Bloggeroid

Night time swim

If you can believe it, I experienced something today for the very very first time in my 26 years of existance. Our good good friend Maryann has been asking me to grab some beach time with her almost a month now. Every week i get the text asking if i can join. Well, finally i decided that today would be the day! Our beach time excursion began late in the day, not till 4pm. We found a spot, put the blanket down and enjoyed watching the kids jumping in the water, off of the long dock. They were doing flips and lauging, and were just having so much fun.

As we sat, we talked about many things. The rain soon joined us, and we raced to out anything electrical in the cars. Thankfully, we were parked within 6 feet of the shore, so we were able to see. Watching the sun set there was so peaceful. I felt this overall happiness inside me. Finally, we decided to get in the water. The water is rather shallow, but at least 4 feet. Time disappears while you are in there. If you know me, you will know that this evening was something of a marker for me. Firstly, i do not swim, also i have panic attacks about drowning. The only times i have been in the ocean were a few times when i was young, and recently when Jan took me snorkeling at Managaha.

We stayed there, talking, in the lagoon for about an hour! I watched the transition of the sun and the moon just above me, as I enjoyed the calmess that the the tall waves cast upon me. I didnt want to get out..... Ever! :-)

I wish i could find a way to put the feeling of joy that i felt tonigt here, for you to share with me.... But i just cant. You may not understand why on earth this was such a big thing for me, but, that is ok. I found something new that truely makes me happy! It calms mymerves,and washes away all the things that stress me out and bring me down!

I am thankful to have found this.... And i look forward to doing this very often!

Signing out!

Lauren

posted from Bloggeroid

Naked ol me.... honesty is the best medicine....

When I began this blog, it was supposed to be to talk about island life, and the change in moving across the earth, but, I find that the things I want to put here arent anymore about this new change, but rather, my new life here!

I find myself sucked into the life here. I read the news paper, getting moved by the news that goes on here. I find myself not looking at the sky as often as I used to, and I dont like that. I always said that I would never get over the beauty of this island. But, I guess I am not "over" its beauty, but just know that I LIVE in the middle of it every day! Its just like listening to music...

You turn the volume way up, and you can hear it, but its until you plug in those headphones and actually LIVE IN the music. This life out here in the Marianas is like that. Its like music that I have finally plugged into. Before, I was just mesmerized by the initial sound of it, but wow, when you finally allow yourself to listen to all the dropped beats and undertones, then you can really feel all the layers. 

Ok, this goes more deeper than just living on the island. For me, I'm slowly cracking through those layers in life in general. I have struggled with myself for so long. Allowing myself get off track, and be unhappy, even though there is a smile on my face. I'm slowly breaking away all that uncertainty of myself, and what I can do in my life, and before you know it, I will be out of site! I can feel it on the tips of my fingers. Happiness to the max. Happiness in my own skin rather. There is a difference in being a pretty girl, and being a girl who thinks she is beautiful. Dont get me wrong, and I am opening up a bit here, but, I do believe I am pretty, but you will know when I believe that I am beautiful. Peoples natural reaction to me saying such things are a natural reaction of protection, but I am being honest, and I only want those who love me to give me that time to find that beauty 100%. It is there, right around the corner. I can hear it laughing, and singing, and dancing. I am right around the corner, and it is beautiful to know that I can feel it! 

I am thankful to have a partner such as Jan who sees that girl too. She sees the girl I want to be, and will be. And though sometimes I take her words as hurtful, it is only her being honest. And I appreciate that. She knows that I am not meant for the skin that is wrapped around me right now. I have struggled with it since I was very young, and the real me, underneath it all, is now beginning to really itch to get out! 

We were born to this society where perfection was already chosen for ourselves. But, we cant form to that fake mold. We are not all the same. Thank god for that huh? But we have to remember, that we can only be what we believe we will be. It is too easy to let people get into our minds, and block our true path of life. I am one of those who have allowed those few negative moments or people step in the way, but , I can admit that. And I owe myself more than that... more than I have allowed for me over these past 26 years. 

At the end of the day, the only person I really let down, is, myself..... 

this is me naked, vulnerable, and open to you, whoever might read this. And I am proud to know that no matter what people know about me, that I still believe in who I am ... and its enlightened moments like this one that really opens that hard layer, slowly, every day.... 

A day that will never be forgotten....

I can't believe that almost 10 years ago I was standing in the library a Stuart Hall Boarding School watching as the World Trade Center went crashing down. Chaos seemed to fill the halls as my peers cried in fear of their parents and family who worked at the Pentagon, in the towers, or even close by. My best friend at the time told me that her mom worked in the pentagon at that time.... But I could only stand there, confused at what was going on. I didn't know anybody in those buildings....

So the whole school gathered in the old auditorium and listened while our Head Master Fr. Fox told us what was happening. I might not have known anybody who died that day, but my heart still ached for their loss.

After my classes that day I sat at my computer trying to find out as much as I could.

Then the President addressed the nation, our rather the world, and said we were officially headed to war... My heart sank. I was again, confused. So, would we be living like in wars past where we need bomb shelters and needed to paint our windows black? What did it mean to go to war?

Jason approached me at school and asked if I would walk to the recruitment office with him there in Staunton, VA. I believe a group of us had gone but I remember him asking me to go. I adored Jason. Of course I would go with him.

May 2003, I stood on the steps of old Stuart Hall with 30(I think,) others. Others who had become a piece of me forever. We all wore white, and us girls thought we were so clever wearing our red shoes.

Mixed in the crowd was a young man dressed in his sharp Marines uniform. Jason would be leaving just after graduation.

After we all went our separate ways, I ended up attending school at East Carolina University. Jason, believe it our not, was stationed at Camp Lejeune right there in my neck of the woods. We spoke some on the phone, and he came to Grenville a few times, randomly bringing a friend with him. The guys were very nice country boys, just like my Jason.

One night I was at a snow party with a guy I was dating at the time, Michael. Jason had told me that he was headed to Iraq. They were shipping out in the morning I believe.

After drinking a bit tooooooo much I began crying to my then bf that Jason was really going to war. And I remember crying that I wouldn't see him again, and what if he died....

Michael, my ex, got my phone, and called Jason. Jason told me it was ok and that he was coming to see me.....

I can't explain how happy I was... I remember sitting out on the cold, snow covered porch, waiting...

Jason showed up with a friend. My ass was sloppy drunk and the only time I had with him was his amazing laugh picking on me and saying he couldn't stay, but wanted to tell me he was going to be ok........then he left.... And that would be the last time I ever got to see my brother and best friend.

Time passed. They didn't end up shipped out that day, but soon enough, he was in unknown territory and very far from home. Jason and I didn't talk much after he left. I think back now and kick myself in the ass for not writing him more.

Long, sad story short, Lncpl. Jason Redifer, my brother, was gone......

Many events lead up to his death and it is the most gruesome death I have had to deal with... But, he was gone...

He now lays along side all the men and women who list their life during Iraqi Freedom. I will always remember York Rd., where you will find his name. And the tree thatkeeps them all company...

But my favorite memory of him, one only few know, was when he told me that I was his sister and he wouldnt be there like he had with me for just anyone........ I knew that day that the bond we had was priceless...

Because of 9/11, I lost a very special person in my life.... But so did so many others!!

Forever in our hearts, and forever in my heart........

posted from Bloggeroid

Welcome home sun!

*sigh*

how good it feels to wake up to the beautiful sunny sky I am in love with here in Saipan! If you happen to stumble across the weather radar over the past week here you will see that this part of the pacific ocean has been stalked by a huge weather bully. He made it rain terribly, he took the blue away from the sky and replaced it with thick mean clouds- the wind on the other hand I wont complain about because that was nice to be cool at night. But I woke to the warm rays of the low sun and instantly am in a happier mood.

Jan is almost done with her training/family time/medical leave trip to the states. It makes me think about how hard it has been all these years when loved ones from the islands have made the venture - back then with no plane - to the main land. I cant imagine... I would have been so worried about my loved ones leaving for so long. Its not that traveling from Saipan or any of the many many islands here in the Pacific isnt like a flight across country- but- the scary part for me is the long flight across the Pacific Ocean!

My second year of NMC has started. I complete my first week just yesterday.

NMI History, Current Issues in CNMI, General Psychology,& Physical Science.

Not too bad except that my science is from 9am-330pm Saturdays! But- it is nice to have the class just once a week... it will definitely be the hardest for me, but I plan on a grade no less than a B!!!! A's & B's baby!!! I did it last semester, and I plan on it again this semester!!!! But I will admit I am leaning more toward all A's of course! :-)

Im meeting a friend for breakfast over at Java Joes. So- its fun time for now, then after I come get the boys- and some laundry and hit the washing machines!!!! YEP! its laundry day people! :-)

I leave you with this fine quote: Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.
Leon J. Suenes

Just one of those reads...

So last semester I took Mrs. Arriola's Pacific Literature class. It really was one of my most favorite classes I have every taken. One of the books we were to read was called "Warriors in the Crossfire" by Nancy Bo Flood. Wow- what a read! I remember pushing it off till last minute. But the day I picked up the 141 page book and began to read. That night I was finished! I remember having to put the book down for certain things like cooking, getting Jan from work, taking Tasi out to pee. Im sure my potty breaks that day were down to none!

Anyways- if you ever want to have an easy yet awesome read- I suggest this book!!!!