Jet Lag Hangover

Back in may I went home to spend some time with my family after being gone for a year. the night before leaving Saipan I did not sleep. jan and I stayed up all night packing. when it was time for me to board the plane I was delirious, sad, happy, anxious, and every emotion you would expect to have when you are heading to see family and friends you haven't seen in a year, but at the same time you will be away from your partner and dog child. I remember knowing that once I went through security that was it. Jan and I said our goodbyes and I kept my composure.... That is til I turned and walked away. Tears fell like crazy. Like I hadn't cried in 26 years and I was making up for it that moment. My whole body began to go numb. But I knew the next three months were needed. So, I dried my eyes and soaked cheeks, and told myself this was time to enjoy my family.

Needles to say it was a great visit. It was nice seeing my friends and family which I had not seen in a year. But, somehow, in the back of my mind and the beginning of my heart I knew I wished to be back in saipan.


The summer there went pretty fast. I was able to see my sister katie graduate from high school, see her turn 18, and even take her and her bestie to register for college.

Then it began, the prep to travel back to saipan, back to the life I had made with my own family. I went through all those normal anxieties that comes along with traveling 30 hours across the globe. But as soon as my bags were checked and mom, katie, and I sat together I began to feel at ease in a way. I wanted to cry to have to leave mom there. But I just knew I had to.

The trip back was long but not so bad. I guess I'm somehow getting used to siting in a small space for 10~16 hours at a time. I did talk with a lady from new bern to seattle who bought me my starbucks. I told her I hadn't had any while I was home do she said she wanted to do that for me. She was do interested in me and saipan. Ended up she works with special needs children. Awesome how we meet someone only to find out how much a like you are. But soon enough we parted and who knows if I shall meet her again.

So before I knew it I was siting in japan waiting to board my last plane. I honestly was delirious from not sleeping in over a days time. I may have gotten a total of and hour the whole half around the world trip. Lol

So I watched as the plane touched down in this beautiful land. Walking to baggage and customs I began to get excited. I was about to be reunited with my lil family, including our newest puppy addition.

Finally I was walking through the doors looking for the familiar faces. Jan was surrounded by some asian girls ooing and ahing over the pups. How nice it was to be back.

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Time flies when your letting life sink in

Half the semester is almost here. I can't believe in only 2 months roughly I will be done with my first year of classes here at NMC and coming up to my year of being here in Saipan. Time has flown by so fast this year. I don't know if it's the salty pacific winds or the bright warm skies, or maybe it's because I am happy here? Either way, whatever it may be, I accept it because I am very happy here right now.

Jan and I have had our share of hurdles and fallen to our knees both together and alone, but, we always know the way to help the other one back up to our feet.

I have gained a lot since taking the long journey across the whole US and Pacific Ocean. I am stronger in a way I never felt. I feel almost like I can do anything. I have lost 36 lbs and still going. I love the feel of the sun more than ever. But most of all, my core is expanding.

Not only am I gaining an education through books and teachers, I am gaining an education that ONLY is achieved through one thing. One very important thing. LIVING.

I am not living, If I am not feeling or seeing. I am not living if I can not enjoy the earth around me. Every waking moment here I am looking at something. The sky, clouds, the sun setting or rising. But not only is it that I am looking, but I am absorbing! You may not know it, but the earth around us is so full of energy it is maddening. This energy is something I have always known was there. As a child I loved the trees and the water. I was always more connected to the earth than any religion. I couldn't explain it. But, I can now. It was life. Life is my religion. Happiness. Love. Compassion. Forgiveness. Earth. This is MY religion I found here on this small magnificent paradise. All of this I found and yet it has only been but 9 months.

Why am I saying this? Well because I want to. Because I can. See, to me there is nothing worse than having religion shoved in your face. Some people think of me as evil because of my lifestyle and non acceptance of a religion. Some thing of me as weird to look at my Buddha figures as my religious icons. Or Gandhi. Or to call books like The Secret and A New Earth or even Eat. Pray. Love. my bibles. But that's who I am. Everyone has their own beliefs. I am HAPPY to hear someone excited about their religion. And I feel honored when they even share it with me. I am not against it. I do not dislike any form or denomination of religion, I just have a wide eyed approach to it. And a wide heart. I don't care what religion you are or political side you root for. If you are a good person then that is what I see. Just think how different the earths inhabitants would live with those around them if EVERYONE was able to just live and let live.

I don't want to keep blabbering on about this because it is only my own feelings on the matter. But, just remember, everything comes back around. Try to be the best person you can possibly be. Turn your negative thoughts into positive and see how your life changes. Love your family, your friends, and most of all: love your enemy. They are the ones who need the love the most. Try to think " that rude angry person may have been going through something awful. " and if not, then allow life to decide their fate. Just remember to live your life.

And to those reading who feel for whatever situations they are in that they may not be able to do the adventurous things they wish for, reset your thinking. If you want something and believe that it WILL happen then in time and when you are ready, believe me, it will happen!

Much love!! Lauren










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Pacific Breeze

As I got outside tonight and looked up at the sky I suddenly lost my breath. The dark night was filled with cool whispering winds and the moon was making the huge clouds seem like giants. Tasi and I fed the homless kitties that we keep happy and made our way to the car. Going to pick Jan up from work now. But I couldn't take my eyes off of these large outlined clouds that seemed to want to devour the earth. I wanted so bad to be able to snap a picture but my phone just can't handle that sort of beauty.

Today was a long day for me. The first of 15 Tuesdays I will be in class. Meaning today was the first day of the semester. Today was Pacific Lit , Geography , and Intro to Teaching. Thankfully I have good teachers. Two of the three I have had already and the third who teaches , well, teaching is awesome.

My pacific lit class is going to realy open my eyes to Micronesia culture. I can't wait to start the reading material. This tiny island has more history than most big states have. It is just all so intriguing to me.

Now that I am back in school I will be writing more. I am happy to have my little piece of Blog land for those moments where I want to share what is going on.

At the moment and for almost a month now I have been sleeping on a makeshift bed I conjured up one night. Couch cushions, one hard as a rock body pillow for my real pillows and a nice folded up blanket for my feet to sleep on. Hey its way more comfy than the bed we had and all three of us can at least sleep in the same room again. Damn bed that came with the apt. Hard as the damn road. Lol I am thankful for creativity between Jan and myself and the ability to make an uncomfortable situation, comfortable.

And I end with this quote from my Intro to Teaching class today :"To live is to risk dying"

Signing off.
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New year new opportunities

So I welcomed in 2011 with Jan and Tasi. Sipping my Lemon Black Tea juice box I sat watching the fireworks go off for more than an hour. Though we did not watch them the whole time we were able to hear them all night long.

But let me go back a little.

I finished up my first semester here in Saipan. Its exciting to know I am on my way to getting that BS degree in Special education. I took Speech which I received an A. Then there was my Disabilities in Society class where I also got an A. Political Science, my least fav class I got a B. And last but not least a C in Math. Not too bad. But I want to do better next semester.

Jan surprised me with a 4 day trip to Guam from Dec 20th - 24th. I was so excited to go. We packed the day before and I had to take Tasi to Dr Tudor's office AKA tasis vet. To make it sound better I told tasi it was the Puppy Hyatt. Didn't work really because he gave me the sad eyes all day. But once I dropped him I knew it was real. Being here on the island I haven't been off in 7 months so I was definitely excited. Jan was able to get off early and we got all the odds and ends we would need.

The flight was only 40 minutes. Small plane. Hot. But it was so nice flying over Tinian, and Rota. They are other islands between here and Guam.

I was in awe of Guams coast line. High cliffs and bright blue water as clear as glass. I found myself looking very intently down at the clear bay hoping to maybe see a shark or something swimming. No such luck though.

The island is much bigger than SAIPAN. But so was the heat and humidity. I couldn't keep my hair straight. Every time I did it, I'd step outside and it would be wavy.

I got to meet some of Jans family I had not met before. We spent most of our time with her niece Nicole. She is such a good person and we had so much fun seeing the island together.

Our time went by so fast though. And I was ready to get back to our small tiny quiet island.

Once we landed I got this bit of sadness that came over me. We flew back on Christmas eve our time. Memas birthday. Not to mention grandaddys would be the day after Christmas. So three importants day were passing by me. I thought of what we always did this time of year at home. All the family around and seeing everyone. All the smells of a feast coming from memas kitchen. I missed everyone. I really did. But, it felt really great to be riding in our car again. Tasi hanging out the window, jan driving, and the cooler saipan air just kissing every part of my smiling face.

It is hard, very hard when we begin to venture out. Especially when where we go is a bit too far to visit family. But, its ok. I am learning that yes, I have my sad days but I love saipan. I love jan and she and tasi are my own little family too. And though jan asked if I wanted to fly home for Christmas, the answer was simple. HELL NO. I miss them, and I love them, but there was no way she would spend yet another Christmas alone.

So, 2010 went out with a bang for us , literally and 2011 came in with a kiss. From someone that no matter what struggles we come to, we find our way through them together.

Hello new year. I'm excited to begin living yet another year of adventure love and accomplishments.

In loving memory of my Grandaddy Baby. I live each adventure for him.

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|One Clean Puppy|

So, I totaly crack up every time Tasi does his business. you know, poops.

when we are at the apt, we have to follow him out the door and around the corner on the big balcony with a napkin ready. then as soon as he squats, you got to put the napkin under him and catch his lil poopies. sounds gross, but you get used to it. anyway, as soon as he is done he peels out, rounds the corner, and doges three circles in front of our door. then as soon as you open the door, he takes off inside, jumps on the couches and is the happiest lil pooch on the earth. oh, side note, if he poopies, and its messy, yeah, we wash his tooshie hahaha. hey, at least we know he is one clean puppy!

Some Pictures

PLACE DOWNTOWN WHERE WE GET OUR SUSHI

VIEW FROM OUR BALCONY

SUGAR DOCK IN THE EVENING

MY SCHOOL CAMPUS

CAMPUS

MEMORIAL PARK

MEMORIAL PARK

WHERE WE GO WALKING OUT BY THE AIRPORT

CRAZY CLOUDS THIS DAY!

THE CLOUDS WERE LIKE A HUGE WALL

AWESOME CLOUDS, THE ROAD HEADING TO OUR APT

BEACH ROAD WALKING PATH. IT RUNS FOR LIKE 3 MILES OR MORE. BEAUTIFUL

November 15, 2010

As i sit here on this new old couch i look around me. Tasi is laying on the cool linoleum floor and Jan is sleeping on the couch. The longer couch mind you. Though I'm ok with the short couch. Its rather snuggly over here. The aircon above me is dishing out nice crisp cold air while the fan in the corner fights to push the cool air around the room. Thank god for aircon aka A/C. My eyes are getting heavy. For some reason I was extra tired today.

Classes are coming to a close for fall semester. and amazingly the second semester begins soon. I was hopeing to get all A's but it looks like probably A,B,C,C. Ugh. Ill def report once i get my real grades though.

The weather here is the same. Though i am seeing pictures of the pretty yellow colored leaves at home, here the suns still hot, and the palm trees still stay in the breeze. I cant wait to take pics of us on christmas day, on the beach.. how weird haha.

jan and i have thought about trying to fix a video of us driving through the island and going to some of the more important places and uploading it to youtube or something. I will def put it up here though.

Well, im out. Its 11pm here tuesday and should be 8am at home, Tuesday. I miss you home, but this new spot of earth feels so right.